Angels Fall First
by Thaliona
Summary: The boys' mother had been right. An angel was watching over them and always had been. She just couldn't let them know that for fear of Falling but things change and some things are worth the risk. After 'No Rest For the Wicked'


A/N: So it's always bothered me that there isn't any representation from the 'good guys' thus this was created late at night with the help of a bag of dark chocolate m&m's and an Indiana Jones marathon. -cough- Depending on feedback/reviews I may actually make this into a multi-chapter fic but for now it's just a oneshot. Oh, and my laptop keyboard is odd sometimes so if I'm missing letters...I'm sorry...I didn't have anyone beta this so forgive the mistakes. Also, kudos to anyone who knows where I got the title from.

Disclaimer: Yea...no...I'm not sure why I even needs this. x3

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It wasn't so much a paradise as it was just another place to exist. She'd expected to see a set of glorious gates nestled within a landscape of clouds. This was, after all, how her mother had described the entrance to Heaven. Truth be told, Gail had been a touch disappointed but she supposed most things were exaggerated anyway. That wasn't to say Heaven was unpleasant. No, no Heaven was quite enjoyable but pleasantly uneventful. Quite a few of her fellow angels complained of boredom but quietly of course, out of fear of Falling. Even though the 'weather' (or so Gail thought of the general atmosphere of Heaven as there was no actual 'weather') was mild her slender body shivered as if the ice cold touch of death had once again clutched her soul at the very thought of Falling. There could be no greater punishment than to Fall but of course that was reserve for only the most horrible of crimes and Gail never once even secretly pined for something else to do other than be idly satisfied with Heaven let alone do something worthy of Falling.

Really, what she was doing now was just a harmless hobby of sorts. That's what she liked to think of it as to keep away the horrible nagging feeling that a dreaded attachment to the living was forming or worse had already formed. At the moment however that nagging feeling had been replaced with something much worse. For a very long time, Gail had thought she'd forgotten what pain felt like but the plight of the Winchesters had reminded her of the human quality. She ached for them, all of them, but that was all she was allowed to do. Her affinity towards them was her only semblance of a secret. They were in a sense the last sparks of earthly humanity still smoldering within the angel.

Heaven, like Hell, was a place to forget. The hardships of life could be overlooked in paradise and a new, idyllic beginning could allow for a total rebirth of a soul. For a time, Gail had reveled in that opportunity but that was impossible now and had been since Mary Winchester's death. It had been sheer accident that Gail had seen the demonic occurrence but no amount of consciousness could force Gail to look away, to return back to her blissful unawareness that Heaven provided for all the lesser angels. Mary's death had been too much like her own for Gail to ignore.

For four hundred and twenty nine years, Gail had forgotten her persecution along with countless others. She had forgotten the tears, the dying screams produced by merciless flames kindled in the name of G-d to end the Protestant threat to the Roman Catholic Church. Time had seemingly healed over burn marks left on her soul from Bloody Mary's reign but the Yellow Eyed demon caused those old scars to return in full force. Gail had not been aware angels could weep until that night, but then it occurred to her as she hid herself from the others that they simply weren't supposed to. So it was safe to assume angels were not supposed to worry over the lives of the living. At least, not angels like Gail who weren't much more than scenery pieces for Heaven, like garden gnomes in a well manicured lawn.

Like in all realms, politics played a part in Heaven. There were rules to be followed and superiors to be listened to. All of which Gail did excluding the unspoken rule of attachment. Leave the living to their own doings and just enjoy Heaven for it interference was against G-d's will unless specifically commanded which Gail had not been. As far as she knew, no angel had been commanded to aid the living or spread the direct word of faith since the biblical times. Her faith had always been strong so she had never questioned the silence of the Almighty, just assuming He spoke with her betters that 

essentially governed Heaven and all the previously-human angels. There was no such thing as a designated guardian angel but Gail had meandered dangerously close to that forbidden title.

According to history or perhaps more accurately legend, a deal had been struck between G-d and Lucifer that no side should directly interfere with the choices of man so that neither Heaven nor Hell would achieve a tampered with upper hand. Whether or not that was true, it was what the original angels had used as a basis for their no interference laws.

At first, these laws had made sense and like most of the angels Gail had not really thought about it or really cared, her time one Earth was done and that was that. Now, though she felt anger, true anger which Gail had never experienced before even as a human, that no one even seemed to care that the Winchesters along with other hunters were fighting the angels' war. Apparently Gail had been misinformed about the fact angels were supposed to care for humans, to guide and to protect them. It sickened her that her duty, her new goal in afterlife was to simply ignore the fact that demons were crossing the sacred line of neutrality. What had been worse was the realization that demons could have been doing this all along and that she'd only realized their meddling recently and yet nothing was being done in retaliation.

And now this.

They couldn't see her, no matter how badly she wanted them to. Now was not the time for introductions anyway even if Gail had been willing to truly break the law of interference. Yet she'd never wanted to abandon the codes more than now, if only for a few moments. She stood next to Sam who was kneeling besides the couch in Bobby's home that Dean had been placed on. Already Bobby had walked through her a few times to comfort the mourning brother but not even the aged hunter could feel her presence. On more than one occasion Gail had hoped Sam would be able to do so but she'd long since given up on that, especially now that he was so distracted as was expected.

Gail's attention flickered to Bobby as he set up wards against demons should Lilith feel the need to send more after them. It shouldn't be necessary but Gail was not so sure even now she could be moved to disobey her superiors. Through parted lips a heavy sigh escaped, a reminder to Gail that old habits die harder than the people that have them. There was a heaviness in her chest that was slowly spreading like a disease and the angel recognized it as sorrow.

"Sam…" Her voice was nothing more than a soft breeze, lost in the sound of Bobby's shuffling of papers for the sole point of not having to look at Dean and Sam's gasps for air as tears trickled down his cheeks. He wouldn't hear her. He never did.

She dropped to her knees, facing him with an expression that epitomized heartbreak. A hand stretched out, hovered just so the tips of her fingers were almost able to brush away the tears. To touch him would be to essentially sin but oh was it tempting. Frozen in time, Gail struggled with herself as Eve must have while deciding whether or not to take the Forbidden Fruit. Knowledge was damning and Gail didn't understand why. Until the Winchesters, she had never questioned it but things change even if it would be easier if they didn't. Her hand recoiled back to her chest as if it had been bitten by something.

They had yet to approach the topic of what to do with Dean's body. Gail didn't want them to discuss it, didn't want to watch them burn him like they had John. She couldn't bear to stand with them unacknowledged watching another funeral pyre. It was slowly breaking her down, and Gail feared the consequences but not as much as she feared for the boys. If praying for him would not give away her attachment to the family, Gail would do so fervently. Blasphemously, she wondered if anyone would care or do anything if she did.

"Mom…Jessica…dad…now you…how am I…" Sam spoke through the tears, lips quivering as a hand wiped at his eyes. "You said something about G-d's will…with that priest's ghost…I..I wanted to believe…and when you said that..I did again…but…now…mom was wrong…there aren't angels…there isn't anything but evil…"

"Sam," Bobby stood on the other side of Sam with a hand on his shoulder, which Gail appreciated despite not really having a problem with him invading her personal space to the extremes other than the awkwardness of it on her part.

The last and youngest Winchester stared up at Bobby with a lost expression but didn't say anything. He had nothing left, not even faith, and it was killing him. No words of comfort could come to mind so Bobby left Sam to his brother in solemn silence to mourn by himself.

Gail felt the sharp edge of his words pierce her chest. It would be idiotic to feel insulted or betrayed. After all, she'd never given any proof of her existence or of there being a higher power. It had not been her job to protect any of them. It had not been demanded of her to even care about what happened to them. Yet she did. Yet she felt as if she'd felt him. More horrifying still was the anger swelling along with the sorrow. These were too confrontational of emotions for an angel to have. They brought questions and questions brought disobedience which was followed by punishment.

She covered her face with her hands, unable to look at either of the brothers and sank against the couch. "I'm so sorry…forgive me…please…" The words escaped for no reason at all other than Gail could not suppress them. Sam was not even aware that he was being asked for forgiveness, but Gail wondered if he'd even give it if he knew, if she deserved it.

Sam stood up, only to pace in the living room with his hands behind his head. Even if they could salvage Dean's soul his body was beyond repair. He let his hands drop, allowed them to curl into fists at his sides as he stopped his pacing to stare up at the ceiling. Everything he and Dean had fought for, every prayer Sam had uttered to help them save others and themselves had been in vain. In his despair, he felt himself slip. What was the point of trying to be saved when there was nothing beyond Hell? If there was only Hell and Earth why should he bother to keep on hunting? What had his family died for then? Nothing…that was the resounding and world shattering answer.

No more, Gail couldn't handle it. If her lips could bleed they would be by now as she gnawed on her lower one out of anxiety. Her forehead was pressed lightly against Sam's back, arms encircled his waist and her hands were spread on his chest over his aching heart. If she could do nothing else, Gail would at least try to let him know in some small way he was not alone...that he'd never been alone.

His breath caught in his throat as something enveloped him. It felt like nothing before, an unexplainable sensation coursing through his body like a pulse. He was beyond being calmed so easily but something inside him was anchored. To what, Sam hadn't a clue. There was no reason for him to feel even remotely okay but it was as if someone else was helping to carry the pressure that had been crushing him. Grief was still smothering him, he was certain it always would but for now the emptiness was being filled, not completely it never could be.

The moment of serenity was a brief one as Sam lunged forward through Gail's arms when Bobby shouted for him from the kitchen.

"Look…" Bobby was leaning against a window, motioning his head at the four demons who had followed them home. Sam was silent at his side, exhaling shakily with desolate resignation. He didn't have a reason to fight.

They wouldn't be able to get in, not for a while at least, but Bobby and Sam wouldn't be able to get out. Gail stood next to Sam, staring at the demons as fear sunk deep into her core. One in particular stood out, he grinned at Gail with malicious recognition. She didn't know why but it horrified her. Her presence did nothing to concern the demons. They knew she would do nothing, could do nothing.

Bobby followed the gaze of the center demon and realized it wasn't focused on Sam. He narrowed his eyes, tensing before seeking out the demon killing knife on the kitchen table. They didn't have much hope of taking on all four, even with the knife, but it was somewhat of a comfort. There was nothing to say so the hunters were silent, both waiting for different things but still waiting. Gail looked away, focusing her gaze on the entrance to the other room where she knew Dean's body was. Failure left a bitter taste in her mouth and an unsettled feeling in her gut. Bobby and Sam were speaking in low tones now but Gail couldn't hear them. She was lost in her thoughts, her memories, her failures.

She closed her eyes and hugged herself for a moment before making up her mind. G-d would understand and if He didn't…well…Gail didn't think about that. In fact, she barely thought at all as she moved through the kitchen to stand still invisible to the human eye in front of the demons.

This was generally the part the hero made a quick witted comment but Gail could hardly keep her focus on the twisted faces behind the human masks. She had no plan of action, wasn't even aware of how to fight. Impulses were horribly dangerous to act upon and Gail realized that a little too late.

"It's been a while," The center demon cooed to her with silken tones she imagined the Serpent used to coerce Eve into taking the Forbidden Fruit. Gail didn't know what he was talking about, didn't want to know. "You don't remember? Funny, I do but I did rather enjoy watching the show, the music was phenomenal. You were quite the singer, so was your husband. I just wish your brother was more musical. I was a little disappointed."

Back in the kitchen, Bobby stood uneasily, watching the demon's lips move but not understanding why. There was something he wasn't getting and it bothered him. By now, Sam had 

noticed too. When Bobby muttered darkly that he wished he could hear what the bastard was saying Sam just shrugged.

"Does it matter?"

For that, he was shot an unhappy look but not replied to. Bobby didn't know how to help Sam because he wasn't quite sure how to even help himself. They could use a miracle right about now but the odds of that happening weren't even slim to none.

Gail's lips parted but couldn't speak. Singing…she winced, again recalling the screaming that had mingled with the roaring of the fire and the jeering of the crowd that had been music to the demon's ears. Her gaze had drifted to the floor but when her eyes lifted there was a new conviction in them that killed the demon's laughter. The three that surrounded him shifted almost nervously. They had not personally seen an angel before, but they knew such a look did not belong to the weak creatures that were supposedly their adversaries in the eternal battle of good versus evil.

"You'll sing again for me heretic!" The demon sneered, knowing fear for the first time in a long time. His blackened eyes widened as the holy glow announced Gail's presence to even human eyes. Bobby shielded his eyes, swearing as he did so, when the glow filled the room, but Sam couldn't look away even though there was nothing but light. His eyes watered for so many reasons, but still he did not avert them. He needed to see where the light was coming from, just a glance of the source.

"…I'm not the one that's going to burn…" Gail's voice echoed within the light that surrounded the demons. As her body formed the lantern for the holy light, for the first time Sam saw the outline of his angel, his proof. The demon backed away from her, leaving the other three to stare wide eyed and disillusioned. They stumbled back but it was too late for him. A slender hand shot out, fingers stretched and brushed against the chest of the closest and a terrible scream filled the air as the demon was given the final death. The second felt the angel's hand upon its shoulder before dropping to its knees and erupting in crackling light as its darkened soul was shattered.

The other two demons had escaped but Gail made no effort to hunt them down. She imagined vengeance would feel as good if not better than forgiveness, but she had not slipped that far from grace. That and she doubted she'd be so lucky as to catch them off guard again. Actually battling them would be almost impossible for her to do seeing as this was the first time she'd ever intentionally hurt something. Gail pulled the angelic light back inside her, hand to her temple as the last of the light faded. Her gaze swept over the bodies of the humans the demons had possessed and a new wave of grief rolled over her. "May your souls find peace," She murmured softly while bending over one than the other to close their staring eyes for the eternal sleep.

"Don't move!" Sam had run from the house, an angered Bobby hot on his heels, to confront what had to be an angel. She had to be. This wasn't some soul posing as an angel, not some traitorous demon. Sam just couldn't believe that. His shredded faith longed for the woman to be what he believed. Bobby tried to pull him back but Sam shook off his hand and put his hands on the angel, turning her around to face him. The older hunter cursed the stupidity of the boy's brashness, after everything that 

had happened he was still running head first into this. For all they knew it could be a trap but even Bobby was having a hard time believing the small woman was anything but some sort of miracle worker.

For the first time she saw her reflection in Sam's eyes and it was breathtaking. She wasn't a rare beauty by any means. In all honesty, Gail was and always had been extremely plain. Gently rounded eyes and thin lips didn't make for a lust worthy face and neither did a boyishly slender body that lacked any great amount of curves. Over all, she was unimpressive and small enough to the point Bobby had to move to the side of Sam to even see her because the young man's body completely encompassed hers.

"Where…all those times…why now?" Sam murmured as if in a daze, tears still streaming down his cheeks. There had been so many times that they'd needed a miracle or just some sort of sign they weren't alone in this fight. His hands tightened on her arms but only for a moment as it dawned on him he might be hurting her.

Gail licked her lips nervously, fighting to keep her eyes locked with his. "There are rules that we have to abide by. We are not supposed to interfere with the affairs of the living," Her tone was an echo of the regret in her eyes but there was something else lurking. The realization of how far her actions had crossed the line of no interference finally settled over her conscious, and Gail was having a hard time hiding her apprehension. She needed to leave. Perhaps no one would find out if she left now but Sam's hands were still on her and his touch was immobilizing.

"Rules?!" The angry disbelief in his voice cut her just as the disgustedly betrayed look he gave was enough to make her whimper. "Hell is breaking lose and Heaven is just watching!" His chest swelled with fury but quickly deflated as something clicked. He stared down at her, the expression of twisted rage that was so horrible to see on Sam's face eased into something softer. "What's going to happen to you?" His hands slipped from her arms but didn't have the chance to fall to his sides because her little hands caught his. For a moment there was a heavy silence as they stared down at their hands. Sam's were massive in comparison to hers; one hand could probably hold both of hers. So he tried and the result wasn't surprising. He held her hands like he would a porcelain doll, afraid they might break. They were as smooth as porcelain, pale and extremely soft…absolutely angelic.

"I'll be okay," She interrupted the silence with an answer to his question. Truthfully, Gail didn't know what was going to happen but she didn't want Sam to worry. He had enough to deal with as it was, but when Sam looked up from their hands it was obvious he didn't believe her. Anyone who ever tried to help him or was ever close to him ended up dead. It was too much to bear and he didn't want this angel to be added to the list but he was afraid she already had been. A hand slipped from his and stretched to brush off the lingering tears from his face. "I'm so sorry about Dean…I wish…" Gail couldn't find the words to say so she just opted not to speak.

"You can't bring him back?" The flickering hope that Sam hadn't fully acknowledge died before it could be fully formed.

"No…if I could…I can't…" It was painful to admit but more painful to see Sam's face fall back into utter despair.

Bobby stood in the background, almost a statue. He'd never seen an angel before but he'd felt this one's presence. At the time, he hadn't known what it was but years of hunting had left him with a good 'evil or not' hunch. She wasn't quite what he'd been expecting and being even this close didn't fill him with a serene feeling. No, he was still broken up about Dean, still nervous as humanly possible with the situation and a grim cloud loomed above him just as it did Sam. Yet, there was still some manifested hope in the angel and it was enough to keep him going. He prayed to whatever would listen that it would be enough to keep Sam going to.

Gail was praying very much the same thing Bobby was. She could not do much for him but maybe provide a little more faith. "I have to leave," Her hand was still on his face, gently gliding down to his neck and from there his chest. He shook his head, eyes pleaded with her to stay just a little longer. As much as he cared about Bobby, he wasn't enough. Sam needed something else, something more than human that could keep away the demonic pressures crushing him. She had. It had only been for a few moments in the living room but Sam knew it had been her. He wanted that again, needed it. "Sam…I'll come back…" She wasn't sure if that was true but it was the best Gail could offer.

He nodded his head slowly, keeping her eyes on her until the very end when she just simply was no longer standing in front of him. His hand kept the position of holding hers for a long moment before falling to his side. Bobby was suddenly there, a hand on his shoulders. "You go inside. I'll take care of the bodies," With a little squeeze to Sam's shoulder, Bobby was off to clean up the mess. Sam didn't leave immediately; he didn't want to go back inside with Dean's body; he didn't want to be alone.

But then he thought of the angel, the presence he'd felt when she'd filled him in his darkest moment, and Sam realized he wasn't alone, not entirely. He stared up at the sky as he walked back into the house, wondering where she was and when she'd be back. If she would. If he hadn't damned her to Hell too. These thoughts reminded him of the impossibility of getting Dean back. Without even thinking, Sam wandered back into the room Dean was in then nearly tripped over himself coming to a standstill. The gashes…the blood…for all the world it looked as if Dean was just sleeping on the couch, like no Hellhound had even gotten near him. Sam rushed to his side, touching his face but knew better than to feel for a pulse. Not finding one would crush him further but still…if they got his soul…if they could put it back in, his body would be able to accept it…Dean could be saved…

More tears welled in his eyes but these were formed by a surge of hope Sam didn't think possible. For a fleeting second he thought he felt the angel's hand on his back but then it was gone. No, he corrected his thought, she was gone. He prayed as he stared down at Dean's serene face, so different from the expression the Hellhound had left, that she would be back and that the fear trying to convince him she wouldn't because of the broken rules was wrong.


End file.
